Things I appreciated

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"I’ve learned that when I dwell on “what ifs” and “should haves,” I find myself going down the road to depression and regret.  If I look too far forward, I get anxious and afraid.  The trick for me is to stay centered in the present moment.  There I can find my balance, and I find I can handle what’s happening right now.  When the fear gets to be too much, I turn to gratitude.  I’ve learned fear can’t exist when I’m feeling grateful.  Sometimes, I’m so far down the rabbit hole of fear and depression that I have to start small.  If I feel like I’m lying in a pit of mud, I lift my head high enough to find that one small blade of green grass I can be thankful for, and I start there."   -  Judy Erdahl

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• Scheduled visits or drop-ins are appreciated!  However, chemo weakens your immune system so I'm very grateful that my friends and family wouldn't come to the door if they were sick or if they thought they might be getting sick.  Once during chemo, all of my kids and my husband got sick.  I was the last one to get it.  It was just the tiniest of head colds and everyone was able to function normally as though nothing was wrong.  I had 3 days before my blood count dropped, so I thought “I’ll be fine.  The first 3 days of a cold are usually the worst so it won’t be a big deal.  I’ll just have a little bit of a set back when my blood count drops.”  Day 4 came…sitting up on the couch was too much effort.  I said to my husband, “it’s no wonder why old people die from getting a head cold!”  I wasn’t joking either.  This was the point where we decided to keep our kids as isolated as me, where and whenever possible. 

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• Nutrition:  Be mindful of nutrient dense foods.  I focus on eating high protein, low carbs/sugars, and veggies!  I feel a stark difference in my energy and well-being when I eat healthy foods versus processed foods, especially during chemo.

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• Gifts: Check out the ingredients of lotions and other things; it's important to avoid alcohol ingredients in lotions during radiation because it's so drying.  Some surprising gifts (even flowers, blankets, etc.) may carry things that can be harmful to a compromised immune system, particularly if you have allergies to these things. 

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• Cleanliness; including sanitization or washing hands upon arrival.  I keep hand sanitizer front and center for visitors.  My kids wash hands and change clothes immediately from coming home from school!

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• Texts from family and friends are always welcome.

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• ​Take time to appreciate those who love and care for you!  Including your spouse, kids, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, neighbors, friends, and healthcare team.  Do thoughtful things for others, this in turn, helps you.  I finally learned to crochet and started making beanies for babies and other cancer patients!

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Be assertive

You are the one in charge of your own health.  Your doctors appreciate your questions.  You are the leader of your healthcare team!

This also applies to communicating with those around you generally speaking. You need to speak up for yourself, it's okay!

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Always check with your doctor(s)

Everyone’s story and case is different so before implementing any tips (or even any supplements!), check with your doctor(s)... especially your oncologist.

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Get the rest you need  

Give in to it.  If not, you pay for it.  I have learned this a few times over, and still have to learn it at times.

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Mourn with those that mourn  

I used to be afraid to even say the word cancer, let alone talk about it.  Other's have the same concerns that you do. While they try to support and encourage you, they may need a little support and reassurance too.

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Also, people are very willing to share their doomsday stories.  Remember, their stories are not your story!  I tend to internalize others experiences, which can be debilitating!  I have learned to tell myself, "I don't accept this" meaning, I will listen, I will be a sounding board, I will empathize, but I won't let it become me. 

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Love your body

This might seem strange, and it took me a while to feel this way because I felt my body betrayed me somehow despite my health conscious lifestyle before my cancer diagnosis.  I did "amazingly well" during chemo because I loved my growing baby. I wanted to provide the best possible atmoshpere I could for her knowing that her environment wasn't ideal. I continue to do well because I want to feel young and vibrant again to enjoy adventures with husband and my growing kids.  Find something that you love or appreciate about your body.  Discover "why" it matters to you, and nourish it. 

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Help for kids affected by cancer

My kids were present when I chopped off my hair to donate it, and again when I shaved it off 2 weeks afterward.  This really helped my kids adjust, instead of completely shocking and suprising them with the new looks.  I even offered to let them help shave my head!

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Surprises for my kids either from me or others; my kids loved receiving an acknowledgment from those that came to visit.  They are part of the process; they have their own worries and concerns, too. 

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I never utilized these, but some camps are availableto support children through and beyond their parent's cancer.  Camp Kesem operates free summer camps for chilren who have been impacted by a paren'ts cancer.  https://www.campkesem.org/

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Camp Hobe is a summer camp designed for children with cancer and their siblings can also attend. https://camphobekids.org/

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